Garlic Cauliflower “Faux Mashed Potatoes”

Who other than myself misses a big heaping pile of smooth, warm mashed potatoes on their plate? We’ve been grilling more steaks these days while on the 4HB; but I have to confess that steaks just taste better with a wholloping side of garlic mashed potatoes. There’s just something about that combo!

When I was initially exploring more variety in meals within the 4HB scope, cauliflower mashed potatoes came up quite a bit in my internet searches.  At that point, I wasn’t quite bored enough yet with our current meal plans to really miss mashed potatoes that much; but naturally, I did still want to give it a shot.  It tasted good and all, for being seasoned cauliflower – but in no way did it turn out like mashed potatoes! Maybe I didn’t follow the recipe correctly.  I wouldn’t put it past myself – sometimes I’m just a little too impatient.  So I accepted my recipe fail and stuck to other sides. 

Then – I stumbled upon a paleo site that delivered a very different method for making cauliflower mashed potatoes.  It held the golden ticket of all that is good in the world of cauliflower “faux mashed potatoes.”  This is pretty much as close as you’re going to get to the make-believe mashed potatoes, my friends! It’s pretty darn close, for sure.  And – it’s completely re-heatable.  I’ve not come across much on the side front that is worth considering nuking for a round two. And I could swear that eating these actually seems filling (perhaps it’s just that potato memory ringing in the back of my head).  But irregardless of reasoning, I have no trouble saving some leftovers with this one.  Thank you, for posting this recipe, new hero!

I’m seriously excited to spread the word on this side dish recipe.

1 large head cauliflower
5-6 garlic cloves
2 tbsp butter (grass-fed, if you have it)
1/4 tsp nutmeg
Freshly ground pepper, to taste


  • In a large pot, with a steamer insert, fill with about 1 inch of water and heat on high heat to boil.  Wash the cauliflower.

  • While you’re waiting for the water to boil, chop up the head of cauliflower into smaller florets and stems. Slice up your garlic cloves into just a few pieces, per clove – these will be further blended down later in the food processor.

  • Once the water is boiling, add the cauliflower pieces and garlic slices into the steamer and season with salt (don’t be shy).  Cover with a lid and steam for at least 10 minutes. A little more won’t hurt anything, but this should be all you need.

  • Dump into a colander to drain.

  • Then, pour the contents of your colander into a food processor, fitted with a steel blade.
  • Add ground pepper, nutmeg, and butter.
  • Process everything until completely smooth. Add any other seasonings that you desire, and it’s ready to go!

It’s still really warm at this stage in the process, too, so ready to serve! But however (or whenever) you so choose to enjoy this creamy concoction, you can seal it up in a microwaveable container and store in the fridge for a few days, until that time comes.  When you’re ready to enjoy it, just heat it up for a few minutes, stirring once or twice during the microwaving process to evenly distribute the heat.